Christmas is over and the new year is almost upon us.  My house looks like a bomb exploded inside it and my daughter just announced in a trembly voice that “the laundry looks like it’s trying to eat me.”  Sigh.  Housework is not my best subject. But, in my defense, I hosted my sister’s wedding reception over the weekend. (Ha!  You’re trapped now Jason!) 

I know I’m supposed to be doing a pageant blog, but–well, I don’t feel like it.  So I’m going to procrastinate and put it off until later.  But that leaves me with nothing to write about.  I suppose I could do New Year’s Resolutions, but, um, those are sort of boring.  I mean, everybodys’ resolutions are always so mundane.  “I’m going to stop smoking,” “I’m going to lose 20 pounds,” “I’m going to join the gym.”  Just once I wish somebody would say something like, “This year I’m going to quit my job and start a meth lab in my kitchen.”

Okay, so I don’t want somebody to say that, exactly, but you get the idea.  Because to quote Mark Twain–“now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”

Veering totally off the subject, have you seen my boyfriend’s Robert Pattinson’s new hair?

I normally prefer for guys to have short, short, SHORT hair, but now he looks even more like my brother than he did before. (Note to any single girls out there between the ages of 18-25: my brother looks EXACTLY like RP.) Which is seriously screwing up my fantasy life.  How can he be my imaginary boyfriend if he insists on looking like my brother?  It’s so insensitive of him.  Really, it’s like he thinks that just because he doesn’t know I exist he doesn’t have to consider my feelings at all.

In other guy news, I’m adding a new feature to my site–A real, live guy!!  No, really.  I have totally tricked asked an actual living, breathing, high school guy to start blogging on here.  We’re going to call him *Joe.*  

Actually, that’s really his name.  Joe.  I didn’t make that up to protect his identity or anything.  

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to have a) a guy’s perspective; and b) a teenager’s perspective.  So, you know, it’s like killing two birds with one stone.  Plus, I’m not the most reliable blogger, so hopefully Joe will take up some of my slack.  Thus, without further ado, heeeeeeeeere’s JOE!!  (assuming I can figure out how to post his blog)
    

Hey everybody, check out my new interview on Kate Perry’s blog!  That’s K-A-T-E  Perry, the extremely awesome author of the upcoming Guardians of Destiny series (an urban fantasy/romance series for adults, so if you’re under 18 be sure and ask your mom/dad before you buy it), not K-A-T-Y  Perry, the “I Kissed a Girl” singer, (who I’m sure is also extremely awesome, but I only know that one song so I can’t say for sure).

But if you’re in the mood for holiday mischief you can send Kate an e-mail telling her how much you like her music and ask when her next album is coming out.  She LOVES that. 😉

Okay, I totally stole that title from Elton John, but I doubt if he cares.  Because, you know, he’s Elton John.  And I’m not.  Besides, it’s the perfect title for a blog about beauty pageants.  Er, I mean “scholarship” pageants.  Which brings us to the subject of today’s blog: “Beauty” pageants vs. “Scholarship” pageants–What’s the difference?  Or, alternatively–Miss America vs. Miss USA–which is better?  

The short answer is–well, it depends on who you ask.  The long answer, like Robert Pattinson’s (aka my new boyfriend) hair, is much more complicated. 

First off, the average person (i.e. non-pageant person) doesn’t even know there’s a difference between Miss America and Miss USA.  They think she’s the same person.  Girls in sparkly tiaras pretty much all look alike to Joe Blow on the street.  But as any pageant girl who has competed for longer than two seconds will tell you, there is a HUGE difference between the America/USA systems.  And a huge rivalry.  America thinks USA is just a bunch of dumb bimbos being pimped out by Donald Trump and USA thinks America is just a bunch of condescending, plain-Janes who can’t stand it because their prestigous “talent” component got them kicked off TV.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.  I haven’t explained how the two systems are different.  Basically, Miss America is a non-profit organization that offers academic scholarships as prizes.  In fact, Miss America is the largest provider of college scholarships to women in the United States.  To this end, talent and interview make up more than half of a contestant’s score with swimsuit and evening gown only accounting for about 35 percent.  Hence why America prefers to be called a “scholarship” pageant rather than a “beauty” pageant.  Additionally, each contestant in the America system is expected to have a “platform–” a declared commitment to a social problem as demonstrated by community service related to that problem.  Girls pick all sorts of platforms–organ donation, cancer prevention, AIDs, seat-belt safety, eating disorders, volunteerism, gun safety, keeping art programs in schools.  The possibilities are virtually endless.  Then, if a girl wins her title, she promotes that platform during the year of her reign.

*A note on titles (local, state, and national) Getting to Miss America, or its little sister, Miss America Outstanding Teen isn’t easy.  First, you have to win a preliminary (local) pageant that will enable you to go on and compete in your state pageant.  Which, if you live in a super-competitive state like Oklahoma/Arkansas/Texas, etc. will be chock-full of girls with amazing talents, amazing wardrobes, and community service records that make Mother Teresa look like Paris Hilton. (Okay, so MT/PH is a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea.)  If you manage to score higher than these 30 to 40 other girls and win the state title, you go on to compete for Miss America.  Or Miss America Outstanding Teen, depending on your age group. **

Miss USA, on the other hand, is a business, which–unless you’ve been living on a deserted island–you probably already know is owned by Donald Trump (50/50 with NBC, if I understand correctly). Like America, USA contestants compete in swimsuit, evening gown, and interview, but there is no talent component and girls do not have to have a social platform.  The Miss USA organization does do charitable work, but the causes they support are selected by the organization itself, not titleholders.  Susan G. Kormen, USO, Habitat for Humanity–things like that.  In addition to getting major loot, the winners of Miss USA, Miss Teen USA, and Miss Universe (also owned by The Donald) get to live together in an apartment in New York.  Sound familiar?  That’s because last year, the three title-holders had their very own show, Pageant Place, on MTV.

SO funny.  And disturbing.  If you haven’t seen it, you should totally click on the link and watch a few episodes.  After you read Crowned, of course. 🙂

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as the saying goes, but generally the girls in USA are more model-esque than the girls in America.  USA girls are more like what you’d see in a magazine, whereas America girls are more the girl-next-door type. 

So there you have it.  A very simplistic and superficial overview of the differences between the two systems.  Now that’s out of the way, next time we can get down to the good stuff.  Can you say cocaine, nude pictures, and blackmail?