I’m in love with Edward Cullen.  If you who haven’t read Stephenie Meyer’s mesmerizing novels, Twilight, New Moon, or the just-released Eclipse, you not only have no idea who I’m talking about, you can’t possibly understand the depth of my feelings.  Seriously, I haven’t been this obsessed with an imaginary man since Rhett Butler stared up at Scarlett from the bottom of the staircase at Twelve Oaks when I was supposed to be listening to my history teacher in sixth grade.

In fact, I’m so in love with Edward that I’ve decided to ignore all the pesky little details that might interfere with our relationship, like that he’s a vampire, or that I’m married, or that he’s not actually a real person.

INTERRUPTION: The Starbucks guys just gave me a piece of paper that says “We love you.  Get well soon.”  Hmmmn.  I wonder if that’s code for “Get the hell out,” since I’ve been sitting at this table for almost seven hours.  Oh, well.  It’s almost closing time now, so I don’t suppose it really matters.

Back to Edward—how could you NOT be in love with him?  He’s gorgeous, rich, brilliant, attentive, has impeccable manners, a tortured conscience, and plays the piano.  And if that isn’t enough to make you smitten with him, consider this: HE EVEN HAS BEAUTIFUL HANDWRITING.  How many guys do you know who have beautiful handwriting?  Here’s how many I know–ZERO.  Which is also the number of men who think I’m as fascinating as Edward finds Bella.  Which is EXACTLY the reason why I (and probably every other girl) are so enthralled with him.  It’s every woman’s fantasy for a beautiful, perfect man to hang on her every word and never get mad at her, no matter how many times she runs over her new cell phone with the car, or drops the replacement for the new cell phone in a vanilla latte, or accidentally flips the T.V. remote  into a glass of water.  Not that I have ever done any of those things, of course.  Those were strictly hypothetical situations.  Yeah . . .

Anyway, I’m a little embarassed to admit this, but Edward isn’t my first boyfriend.  Not anywhere close.  I have a LONG history of relationships with imaginary/and or real men I’ve never met.  Here, in random order, are some of my current and former flames (actually, they’re all current flames since I never totally break up with them): 

Harry Connick Jr. –hello, he’s from New Orleans and he plays the piano.

John F. Kennedy Jr.  No explanation necessary.  And no, I don’t care that he’s dead.

Paul Newman See Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and The Young Philidelphians.  Yes, he’s old; I don’t care.

Gale Harold  Brian Kinney is my favorite T.V. character EVER.

Julian McMahon Christian Troy is my second-favorite T.V. character EVER.

Bill Clinton    I have a thing for men with power, okay?  Plus, he’s brilliant.  AND, I’ve actually met him.   Not to mention stroked his hand inappropriately at a memorial service, right in front of his secret service agents.

Johnny Depp  Have you ever SEEN Johhny Depp?  Not to mention his movies?

Next time, I’ll reveal all my secret, literary boyfriends (because I know you’re all DYING to know who they are).

I can’t decide what to do about Britney Spears.  No, she hasn’t taken over my bedroom like she did to these people, but she’s screwing with my head just the same.  Because of her, I can no longer buy some of my favorite magazines like People and  US Weekly. 

Oh, all right, so I still buy them, but I feel guilty about buying them.  Because once the magazine is actually in my house, I can’t stop myself from reading whatever Britney escapade they’ve decided to write about on that particular week.  When this whole Britney/K-Fed/Cheetoh debacle started two or so years ago, it was funny.  Hilarious even.  I mean, come on–the girl was a super-rich, international celebrity and she was walking into gas station bathrooms WITH NO SHOES ON.  Who wouldn’t find that entertaining? 

And then came the tacky wedding, and the back-to-back babies, and the continuing  but no less mystifying presence of K-Fed in his wife beater with his trucker hat turned at a jaunty angle.  Why was she still married to this guy? I kept waiting for the exclusive Barbara Walters interview where Britney would reveal that he was really a CIA agent using her connections to  investigate an international drug ring and that the out-of-work backup dancer story was just his cover.

Needless to say, that didn’t happen.  And now I feel sorry for her.  Like, REALLY sorry for her.  Because she’s not just some spoiled/wacked out celebrity; she’s sick.  And it’s not cool to use a sick person and their troubles as entertainment.

Lindsay Lohan, though, that’s another story. 🙂

Today is the official release date of Disenchanted Princess, so in honor of West Deschanel, DP’s ultra-fashionable heroine,  I thought it would be fun to do a blog about (what else?) clothes!!  Now, it’s been brought to my attention that there are some of you out there who actually (I can barely type it) hate shopping.   For those of you shaking your heads in disbelief, it’s true.  I’ve actually met some of these people. 

Fortunately, I believe there is a cure to this strange and bewildering affliction.  By exposing yourself to adorable, affordable items on a regular basis, you can learn to love shopping (and by extension, fashion) as much as West.  Which is good because shopping is inevitable, right?  Like death and bad hair days.  Even if you avoid it like the plague, eventually you’re going to have to buy a Christmas present or a birthday present, or a boyfriend/girlfriend present.  And you certainly can’t show up at school naked, can you?  You have to put something on your body.  And why shouldn’t it be cute?

So, in the hopes of helping all the shopping phobics out there, check out these ADORABLE things from Target:

http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/ref=sc_pgb_r_2_0_321251011/601-0146800-0551361?ie=UTF8&frombrowse=1&asin=B000P50LVI   

http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/ref=br_1_1/601-0146800-0551361?ie=UTF8&frombrowse=1&asin=B000S94WXE

http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/ref=br_1_3/601-0146800-0551361?ie=UTF8&frombrowse=1&asin=B000RFS59G

http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/ref=br_1_12/601-0146800-0551361?ie=UTF8&frombrowse=1&asin=B000OFH9QO