I KNEW John Edwards was hiding something behind those boyish good looks and that whole I-love-blue-collar-workers schtick.

And I was right! It turns out he’s a player just like the rest of the male population.  He cheated on his wife WHO HAS CANCER.  Although to be fair, I think his extramarital dalliance actually took place before his wife was diagnosed.  And he does seem to be pretty contrite.  And he did lose his oldest son in a car accident several years ago, and–damn it.  I started this post with the intention of ripping him to shreds and now I feel sorry for the guy.

And what’s up with me blogging about a POLITICIAN??  Am I really that old?  Pretty soon I’ll be writing about the stock market and mutual funds or something.  Quick–I must write about something totally shallow and pointless, preferably involving a cute guy.

Searching the gajillion mental files of random pop culture information floating around in my brain . . .

Oh, oh,–I know!  Prince William is supposedly thinking about getting a tattoo.  A giant one on his back, like David Beckham’s.  And because I’m sure Prince William reads my blog (heck, I bet the entire royal family reads it.  Hi Queen Mum!), I want to take this opportunity to give Wills my opinion on the subject.  DON’T DO IT, WILLS!!  I know you’re a prince and live in a castle and have your mother’s athletic good looks and everything, but you’re not cool enough to carry off a giant tattoo on your back.  Or anywhere else, for that matter.  You’re not even cool enough to carry off a small tattoo.  You’re the dignified, kingly prince.  Leave the tattoos to Prince Harry.  Harry could carry off a giant tattoo on his back.  He’s got that cocky, bad boy thing going on.  Sorry, Wills.  That’s just the way it is.

See?  Harry is hanging out with P. Diddy (Sean? Puff Daddy? I forget what I’m supposed to call him now).  I rest my case.

Right.  So I’m just going to pretend like it hasn’t been almost a year since I last updated my blog and pick up right where I left off.  In other words, meet my brand new SUPER HOT boyfriend.

His name is Cristiano Ronaldo and apparently he’s a really famous soccer player in Europe.  He’s also outrageously hot, if you didn’t notice.  I normally don’t date athletes in my imaginary life, but I’ve decided to make an exception in this case because–hello, did you LOOK at him?

Before Cristiano I was having a fling with Shia Labeouf, who is also outrageously hot–albeit in a different way than Cristiano–but lately I’ve been wondering if  maybe he’s too young for me.  I mean, first the Walgreen’s arrest and now this whole turning his truck over thing  . . . it’s a little too much drama for me.  Although I STRONGLY urge you to click on the Walgreen’s link and watch the video clip of Shia on David Letterman explaining the story behind his arrest.  SO FUNNY.  He’s hilarious.

As Supreme Ruler of the Universe, I command everyone to go out and buy Kate Perry’s new book, Project Date, which was released last Tuesday.  Actually, you don’t necessarily have to go out and buy it; you can also order it off amazon(hey, I’m not a totally demanding Universe Ruler).  In honor of Kate’s second book, I am posting some pictures of her trip to my house this summer.

This is Kate in front of the Piggly Wiggly in Roland, Oklahoma.

This is Kate shooting a really big gun.

This is Kate shooting a smaller gun.

And that was just what she did to relax in the afternoons.  You should have seen her wrestle the water moccasins.